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Post by ADMIN on Sept 10, 2008 17:54:49 GMT
We all get sent txt jokes and know loads so put them on here so we can have a good laugh
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Post by LA - Made With Steel on Sept 10, 2008 18:01:56 GMT
Married couple in there 60's are visited by a fairy who grants them both a wish. I want to travel the world with my husband. Her wish is granted as 2 tickets appear in her hand for a luxery cruise. The man says sorry love but my is is to have a wife that is 30 years younger than me, so the fairy waves her wand and the husband becomes 92............
morel of the story men who are ungrateful bastards should remember fairys are female
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Post by Blayze on Sept 11, 2008 10:56:20 GMT
where should i start?
where would u b if u had all the money ur heart desired, had no worries, came home and the finest meal was waiting 4 u, had the perfect kids & ur partner welcomed u with huggs & kisses?
YOUD BE IN THE WRONG FUCKIN HOUSE!
A couple driving home run over a badger. they get out of the car and find its still alive but freezing cold they take it back to the car and the man says "hold him between ur legs to heat it up" the lady replies "but it stinks and its wet!" the man says "well hold its fuckin nose then!"
paddy says to murphy "help iv got somethin stuck in me throat" murphy shouts "shite are you chokin?" paddy screams "no im fuckin serious!"
small old asian lady at the currency exchange a little angry "why it change? yessoday get 2 hunnat dolla fo yen, today 1 hunnat 80! why it change?" the cashier shrugged her shoulders and said "fluctuations" the lady replied "well fluc you white pippel too!"
(and just for steel)
what do u call a fly with no wings? ...............A WALK!
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Post by Blayze on Sept 12, 2008 12:47:37 GMT
a jelly baby went to a std clinic cos his willy was covered in coconut & liquorish. the dr says "whay on earth have u bin up2?" he replied "fuckin allsorts"
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Post by Blayze on Sept 15, 2008 15:19:02 GMT
The day the penis asked for a pay rise.....
"i hereby request a rise in salary for the following reasons
º i do physical labour
º i work at great depths
º i dont get weekends or holidays off
º i work in a damp and dark environment with poor ventilation
º i work in high temperatures
º i am exposed to contagious diseases
sincerely p.niss
Response
dear p.niss
after assessing your request for a pay rise and considering your arguments we have rejected for the following reasons
º U dont work 8 hrs strait
º U fall asleep after brief work periods
º U leave the workplace in messy conditions
º U dont always adhere to basic safety rules ie wear ppe
º Ur unable to work doube shifts
º And above all you enter the workplace with 2 very suspicious lookin bags.
yours sincerely v.gina
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Post by Quinny_wont_save_u on Sept 18, 2008 15:55:39 GMT
haha... thisuns an old one  man walks into a butchers and asks: wheres your assistant? butcher says: i had to sack him. Man: why? Butcher: He was sticking his member in the bacon slicer... Man: oh dear, what happened to the bacon slicer? Butcher: Yeah, she got the sack too ;D |
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Post by Blayze on Sept 19, 2008 10:58:53 GMT
just had my application to an online dating agency denied. 1 of the questions asked was "what do u like in a woman?"
apparently "MY C O C K " is not a suitable answer
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Post by LA - Made With Steel on Sept 20, 2008 13:12:23 GMT
A recent survey in the UK asked:
Are there too many foreigners
In this country now?
The result of the survey was:
18% said:
Yes
82% said:
[glow=red,2,300]ãÚåÏ ÇáÃãä ÇáÚÇáãí ÈæÇÔäØ [/glow]
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Post by BAD on Sept 22, 2008 12:51:07 GMT
BLAYZE U NO ITS, A RAISEN,
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Post by BAD on Sept 22, 2008 12:53:52 GMT
WIFE PRACTICING YOGA. LAYS ON BED WITH HER LEGS ROUND HER NECK, HUBBY WALKS IN AN SAYS FLAYMIN HELL WOMAN BRUSH YOUR HAIR N PUT UR TEETH BACK IN U LOOK LIKE UR MOTHER
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Post by Blayze on Sept 22, 2008 12:55:06 GMT
BLAYZE U NO ITS, A RAISEN, hahaha a classic! (where is steel anyway hes got loads of jokes dammit) |
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Post by BAD on Sept 22, 2008 12:57:58 GMT
GARY GLITTER BOUGHT 100 CASES OF GLENFIDDICH TODAY COS THE SALESMAN TOLD HIM, ITS A CHEEKY LITTLE 12 YEAR OLD THAT GOES DOWN WELL
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Post by BAD on Sept 22, 2008 13:00:54 GMT
GOT HOME EARLYER N FOUND THE CAT DEAD IN THE WASHIN MACHIENE, O WELL AT LEAST SHE DIED IN COMFORT
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Post by BAD on Sept 22, 2008 13:07:26 GMT
WAS A BIT DEPRESSED LAST NITE SO I RANG SAMARITANS, GOT A CALL CENTER IN PAKISTAN I TOLD THEM I FELT SUICIDAL AN THEY GOT ALL EXCITED AN ASKED IF I COULD FLY A PLAIN,
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Post by mr steel on Sept 22, 2008 16:57:57 GMT
whats green and runs round your garden ?
a hedge.
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